I dont normally ‘do’ posts like this with emotional stuff in, but I felt the need to write this. A year ago today I made a huge decision, I resigned from my job. OK, it might not seem like a big deal-people do it all of the time. For me though, it was about making a change as I wasn’t happy with my little world. It also meant putting my 10 year career on hold, I’m still not sure for how long.
I was exhausted, leaving home at 7am, working until 5:30, driving home again, having a short time with the kids and working until 11pm or later once they’d gone to bed. I rushed bedtone stories ans songs knowing there was a bag of work downstaitsxwaiting to be done, and if it wasnt done it would add to my load the next day. It felt awful. If one of the kids woke in the night I’d be working on the ipad whilst sitting with them. Working all weekend and trying to run a house ran me into the ground. Something had to give, I was at a point where I cried driving into work, where I struggled to get out of the car and actually enter the workplace once I’d parked up. Nothing was enough, extra work was added daily and I had no more to give. Handing that piece of paper over lifted a huge weight from my shoulders, the next day I felt as if I was walking on a cloud, almost giddy in fact.
This post isnt intended to be a pity party, though. A year on and I am happier, I have a better work-life balance and, although I am still a bit lost as to what to do or where to go next, I know I made the right decision. On the days when I question myself, I think of how I felt the day after and know I was right. It took a lot of guts and felt as if I was turning my back on my life’s ambition but I know now that there is more to life than that.
Making the choice to make a change feels so tough when you’re in that situation, you get so close and then back out before the final decision is made, then carry on for a while as it seems OK, then end up with the same dilemma a few months down the line. I was caught up in that cycle and it was hard to break. Let’s just hope I make the right choices now and end up in a job that suits me and my little family. Goodness only know what that is!